It’s all a bit overcast today the weather and my mood that is! Woke at 04:30 and simply couldn’t get back to sleep so spent a 2hrs filling an online basket with a new summer wardrobe only to not bother purchasing anything at the end as there are too many variables to the end of this summer 1) I will stick to my new diet and exercise regime and drop a few pounds. 2) I will get depressed and eat myself to the size of the house. 3) The kids will eat all of the food so I will starve myself thin. 4) I will get Coronavirus and not be able to eat so get thin. 5) Get Coronavirus and die really won’t need a new wardrobe for that. My money is on No.2!

The new gate worked a treat…..NOT, I let the dogs up the garden, they ran straight to the gate saw their escape route blocked turned right, headed under the hedge and Fox Trot Oscared into the orchard, so I headed down the hill in my pjs wishing I had a gun (I don’t mean that I love them dearly)

Didn’t get dressed until 15:30 this gives you some idea how much energy I had today, I tried a bit of homeschooling with Fabe but he simply wasn’t playing ball so told him he was going back to school tomorrow if he didn’t pull his socks up, he simply said GOOD and told me he didn’t have any socks on anyway….I had no comebacks today.

Eventually I had to go into work so did wash and dress although there’s no one to see me so needn’t have bothered really. I drove through the ghost towns to the shop only passing a handful of cars wondering why the hell were people wearing masks or gloves to drive cars only they were in? Once in the shop I wandered around blankly for a while not knowing where to start eventually I got my scissors on the go and rustled up three tributes for separate funerals and wrote heartbreaking messages from loved ones who won’t be attending the services so that didn’t really cheer me up!

Breakfast was toast, lunch toast and dinner….well I didn’t make it or it would have been toast instead it was enchiladas and nachos and not bad but Millie needs to work on her presentational it looked like the sort of meal an angry dinner lady flung at your plate as you trudged past in a line gripping your plate for grim death, hoping you weren’t the Wally of the week that drops their dinner in the school canteen and gets a roar of laughter from your fellow inmates….you can tell I’ve been that wally!

I was the first day of Giz’s weeks holiday he celebrated by sleeping the entire day waking only when I left the house and to eat his dinner , he kept his eyes open long enough to watch Superman for 500th time. By the time I came home at 20:00 I had a killer headache and not being able to face superman again, after food it was my turn to sleep………right round until 6am a new PB!

After another shocking nights sleep (this is becoming a bad habit) I had a late start even Fabian slept in until 9am but the sunshine got the better of us so after breakfast and lots of coffee we headed for the garden.

Because my garden gate got beaten to a pile of sticks and a pair of hinges in high winds ages ago I have been meaning to buy or get someone in to put a new one up but with more time on my hands but less money than I ever thought possible and I thought Fabe would love using the tools on a project but he got bored after he realised he couldn’t just smack everything with a hammer and the noise from the power saw drove him back indoors so with him gone I set about making a new gate out of my pile of “that might come in handy” wood, ok I had to seek instruction on some of it but many hours later I had a very strong and half decent looking gate, a quick coat of wood treatment to hide the fact it’s a mishmash of gravel boards, decking and Millies old Ikea bed frame which originally came from the set of Finders Keepers from the days I had a toe in the TV industry. I still need a new post to one side of it but that will have to wait until I work out if I can get diy stuff delivered but I am really proud of that job!!!! While all the power tools were out and bits of timber everywhere Fabian and I started the bug hotel we had planned but he got really annoyed I wouldn’t build it to his design, I mean why wouldn’t I want to put about 50 compartments in? Yet again he just wanted to cut bits of wood up without measuring or twat stuff with the hammer so again I found myself alone on a project. With the framework finished I will let him fill the compartments tomorrow.

Should have put more sun cream on!! I did apply some early in the day but there’s areas you can’t reach yourself and unattractive as it sounds I did sweat a fair bit resulting in my crackling getting crisped in the sun, not on did my neighbours have to endure me making a racket for seven hours they could probably smell me turning into pork scratchings as well.

Millie washed up and made some sausage rolls for lunch and stuck her head in the garden a couple of times but the sight of hard work sent her scuttling back to her Xbox, at least she helped with dinner which was jacket spuds due to my lack of enthusiasm.

I sat down in time to watch Her Maj address the nation about the COVID-19 situation, I felt a bit emotional, she was quite an inspiration. I flit between thinking what does she know living in her ivory tower and thinking I bet there won’t be a lack of ppe for anyone treating the elite if they get it, to feeling proud we have her and she has seen our country go through so much in her lifetime. She has to adhere to the social distancing the same as us and must be as frightened of losing loved ones as we are. The saddest victim of this shitty virus for me so far is Lord Bath, I would have loved to have met him, I adored his eccentricity, his bonkers art which really reflected his personality as did his kaleidoscope (Christ did I have to google how to spell that, spell check was like WTF give up you crazy mare) of a wardrobe. Longleat has been my favourite place to visit since my grandparents took my brother and I when I was about nine, from the monkeys stripping bits off the car (might have been the biscuits I was waving at them through the window that got the car covered in monkeys and monkey crap) to getting lost in the maze and very weirdly seeing one of the shirts King Charles I was wearing at the time of his execution, I was captivated by the history of it, the faint bloodstains around the neck were morbidly fascinating just proving what a macabre child I was! I hope he has the most ostentatious mausoleum ever built, in the grounds he loved for us all to see.

First ever home shop delivered bang on time, what a bitter sweet experience that was, the driver was an absolute delight I could have cried it was so nice to see such a happy person I might even stop calling all the drivers “wan*€$s” as they drive like twunts around the lanes and park without a thought for anyone else in the world (probably won’t stop that but I will make sure it wasn’t this man first) I explained I was a virgin to the home shopping thing, he asked how the hell I managed to book a slot as he’d been trying for weeks but there’s just none available, I said it was just pure luck I’d tried all hours of the day for all supermarkets for two weeks and suddenly found a couple slots so went for it but…….I’m not sure I would again! So after Mr happy and very helpful had left I got to unpacking my order, first problem knowing someone else has packed it made me treat it like toxic waste, I disinfected everything I could and washed my hands A LOT, then got around to realising what “a few substitutions” actually meant to a person that has no bend or flex on certain things (most things) I admit I’m a snob in-fact I’m proud of being a snob, my dad used to try and use it as an insult but I have always been comfortable with having certain standards and frankly some of Tesco own brands don’t fit in to those standards, price matched or not. Now I admit I can’t afford those standards I’m what you call a fur coat and no knickers kind of posh, given a choice of something crap or go without I would indeed go without. I ordered a Green and Blacks Easter Egg for my equally snobby best friend I ended up with a small Cadbury’s bournville egg hardly the chocolate for a connoisseur leaving me a hard decision, eat the evidence or give crap egg. Tesco own brown bread instead of Hovis I’m ok with trying that, 2 carex anti bac hand soaps substituted by 1 Bayliss and Harding grapefruit soap wtf I have Molton Brown hand soap if I want nice smells and one was for my mum hardly the same! No fish fingers, wont be needing the brioche buns, sliced cheese, lettuce and tartare sauce without those to make our own Fillet O’fish will I. Tesco own coffee err I don’t think so, I can see a lot of coffee cake and tiramisu being made to use that up. There were loads of other things but you get the idea!

Brilliant evening TV watching, Giz came home feeling ill (crones playing up again) so went straight to bed the children were busy doing their own things so I got sole custody of the remote, I started with a documentary on the Valley of the Kings followed by back to back documentaries about Angkor and Cambodia then one about a the forbidden city which ended up taking the bizarre route of me googling Eunuchs because I didn’t know much about them or their purpose (I knew what they didn’t do) anyway that led me down dark paths of research about the Skoptzy, penectomy and the Chinese using it as torture and collecting the penises of their dead enemies, I now know far more than I should these things so if Gary feels the urge to dip his nib in the office ink I am confident I can perform the procedure, because I got the info from the teachings of ancient Chinese surgeons that only had a 50% survival rate from eunuchs they created for servants I can’t promise he would live but hey ho he has been warned!

Woke up to a misty morning but when it eventually burnt off boy was it a beautiful day, it was so warm and with no fear of visitors I risked a vest top and aired my bingo wings!

Taking advantage of the brilliant weather I headed out into my jungle of a garden, it’s been so neglected over the past few years because of work and life, it was a bit of mammoth task, I really enjoyed getting stuck in and by the end of the day I looked like I’d been in a fight with a wolverine and the garden looked like a tornado had been through and trashed it but I think there was some progress, there were certainly huge piles of brambles everywhere, I will get my man servant to clear those!

Because it’s been so nice even my house cats decided to venture out and within a few hours the garden was littered with the tiny corpses of their victims one I found with a sickening crunch as my size six trainer ground it into the flowerbed, I’ve said it before and I will say it again cats are arseholes!

While I toiled in the garden, Giz started painting ceilings and it’s shouldn’t have been a surprise he’s a little bit shit at it but he blamed the lack of light (I suggested opening the curtains fully) he’s assured me a second coat will fix the streaks. With both of us busy the children set about ransacking the place………..I don’t know how long we will be on lockdown but it won’t be long enough to sort this place out, it’s like painting the Forth bridge.

I saw a fairly large group of ferrel teenagers on bikes, I’ve seen plenty on Facebook about people not keeping their children in but it was still a bit of a shock to see people being so blatantly stupid, if they contract Coronavirus it would just be natural selection but life seldom works that way and the older I get the more I realise Karma is just part of a really good song title from the 80’s.

I had to go to my shop for the first time since Mothers Day, I was a bit sad seeing it redundant, I have worked so hard to build it up and was finally getting there and then this!!!

Toast for breakfast (Giz did offer to cook more rubber eggs) Millie brought me out a good old fashioned cheese and pickle sarnie for lunch which was fantastic, sometimes the most simple things are the best! Nope still haven’t made that bloody bacon pudding, by the time I got back I could face cooking so Millie rustled up various breaded crap from the freezer with chips and sweetcorn, what I call a beige buffet, yes it was a bit poo but so pleased she cooked something for us.

We started watching War for the planet of the apes but had to turn it off because I couldn’t put up with the continuous barrage of questions from Fabian “why have the monkeys got guns” “mummy why are the monkeys riding horses” on and on they went, it was past his bedtime so I suggested he watched the first film another night! Anyway with him tucked up bed I watched the end of Rocket man, it’s only taken 3 goes to stay awake long enough see the whole film…..old age is a bugger!

23:00 and time for bed, my little dogs and I are bushed (literally)

01:30 awake, I wonder if Gary’s heard his alarm, he did say he wanted to go in early so he can get back to finish the ceiling.

02:30 awake I better get Giz up for work

03:30 awake again he still hasn’t got up

05:40 awake again I now want to kill him

06:10 I call him again and threatened him with certain death

06:30 the bastard strolls down I’m now too angry to sleep and as he leaves I wave goodbye to my chances of him doing a bloody thing when he gets back!

Woke at 07:00 kept the curtains shut to stop the sun melting my face, walked around like a zombie looking for the elixir of life (coffee as I like to call it) Swearing at the phone every time it rang and wishing I could have a day off having days off!

I had grand plans of going to our local veggie market it would have been my first venture out but after giving it careful consideration i decided it wasn’t worth the risk, having hunkered down for nearly two weeks it would be crazy to risk everything to save a fiver on my veg!

Homeschooling well what a different day! He woke in a good mood but then he always does sure I have mummy goggles but he’s a superstar….well up until the afternoon! Anyway compared to yesterday’s shitfest this was great he read quite a difficult book then wrote his own story based on it, I hardly helped, except trying to explain a Roman Emperor wouldn’t be married to a baker but he pointed out it was his story! He drew a picture to go with his story, wrote his diary and did his spellings. We put a Time team special about Dover Castle on for his project research and wrote a little about the history, keen to end on a good note we called it a day so went gardening for the rest of the day.

I skipped breakfast but the kids had cereal, lunch was the connoisseurs choice, tined spaghetti on toast with grated cheese……hmm lovely! As requested there was a change of menu for dinner which meant I made a lasagna, now I don’t mean to brag but my lasagna is the dogs dooh dahs and accompanied with my homemade garlic bread there’s nothing my lot would rather eat but bye eck did we tuck away the carbs and tomorrow won’t be any better with bacon pudding lined up!

Didn’t watch the news at all because let’s face it, it’s only going to be bad news instead I did a Time Team marathon followed by The Scorpion King, bit of an cold bucket of water feeling when I realised Giz and I watched that about 18 years ago when he weighed about 5 stone more and I weighed about 5 stone less, I’d like to say we loved each other then but I’m pretty sure it’s been an endurance test from the start that neither of us wants to be the first to break, it’s fair to say he gets on my tits but he’s very handy at lifting heavy objects, getting the lids off Jam jars and he does make me laugh when he’s not being a dick!

Fabianism of the day was “Aquahole” and “Aquaholic” and his use of this was even funnier than the word, “Jesus was an aquaholic because he drank wine” I did my best to explain that everyone drank wine and beer then as the water wasn’t clean but this just lead to “so everyone was drunk and aquaholics” ……time for a change of subject me thinks!

00:01 Time for bed Giz is off tomorrow and I will need all my strength with three children at home!

01:30 Fat chance of any sleep, I was woken by Lola (my tiny broken chihuahua) growling very loudly, after telling her to shut up several times I got up to see why she was so angsty with the other dogs to find her guarding some chocolate orange segments, god knows how she got it off the table, my best guess is one of the cats was trying to kill her. It didn’t look like any were chewed so I cleared them up and tried to go back to sleep but no then she started gagging so panic set in, none of my horrible lot would wake up so I rang my friend who consulted Dr Google, the result from this saw me standing in the kitchen at 2am trying to work out how many segments are in a chocolate orange with a calculator and then trying to put my bemused chihuahua on the kitchen scales but she kept sliding out of the bowl so I stuck her in a saucepan on the scales this was more effective. Now knowing her weight I could calculate how much chocolate it would take to poison her if she had indeed eaten any, I concluded she probably hadn’t and she definitely wouldn’t have had enough to kill her but totally paranoid gave her some lasagna to try and make her poop quicker….. I love my life!

The Sun and my son were bright and shining at 7am this morning but neither had the warmth their appearance promised! I started the day in a really good mood but then homeschooling began!

9am Fabian begged not to do Joe Wicks’ workout which I agreed to if we played football in the garden later (never happened) Cracking on with spellings all was well only one silly mistake out of twelve. Then we moved onto a bit of English a few money sums but then I made the mistake of letting him out to play for 15 mins, now I don’t know what happened while he was out there but the spawn of Satan returned in his place! He only had to write his diary and draw a diagram of a castle that’s all I had planned but wtf happened I will never understand he just said NO, I never have and never will take crap off my children so this wasn’t going to end well for him and it didn’t but it took 3.5 hours of alternate screeching and stand offs before he caved and did it. At one point he threatened suicide, his chosen method was starving himself by not eating his lunch, he faked his death twice but got back up when offered a club biscuit. He told me he was packing and leaving so iPad under his arm he marched out the door, he was back by the count of three and said he didn’t get far because he’s not allowed to leave the garden! Once he had calmed down he sat on the sofa and slept for an hour, they say tiredness can kill but I’m not sure which one of us will snuff it first if we have another day like that!

Millie was a superstar today, she kept me topped up with coffee and made lunch for us while I dealt with Eddie Munster’s antics. I moan about her being lazy and slow but I’ve never ever had a tantrum from her, she’s never threatened to leave home and certainly not been rude to me, she has the kindest most placid nature which begs the question………who the hell does she take after??

Boring old toast for breakfast, tomato soup for lunch and chicken pie, mash and veg for dinner. I also made a bread pudding to use up an old loaf, it smelt amazing but sorry I can’t think of anything worse than a pudding made out of soggy old bread and dead flies, most of it disappeared pretty fast so it can’t have been too bad. Bacon and onion pudding tomorrow, I am loving having time to cook again, since I’ve had the shop I’ve had so little time cooking meals has been a chore but I’m gradually getting my mojo back.

Got my first batch of flowers since this started, my friend picked them up from Sidcup, it’s a relief to have them as I’ve now got three funerals for next week and between the Dutch markets running on a skeleton crew and nearly all southeast wholesalers closed getting flowers is getting very difficult but these are now safe in the chiller ready for me to slice and dice them!

I managed two mins of watching the news updates but after the 500+ new deaths report I turned it over, I’m not even watching soaps because I don’t want things that make you feel rubbish there’s enough of that going on in real life now. The Great British Menu and Masterchef were great as always they fill me with inspiration of things I will never have the patience or skill to cook. Millie and I watched “I Tonya” on Netflix, it was surprisingly good so if your bored it’s worth a go.

Threat of frost meant I had to go and rescue some trays of plant from the garden but the min I opened the door two bloody cats escaped, now I’m going to bed with the door open so they can get back in, cats really are arseholes!

On a proper downer today so don’t expect an amusing read more a mini rant!

Finally dozed off at 04 something only to be awoken by Gary at 04:30 when he went to work followed by Fabian at 06:00, I sat on the sofa in a semi coma telling the birds to shut the f*$€k up, Gary called at 08:00 and started prattling so I hung up on him and then my friend called at 08:30 so I abandoned all hope of sleep pulled myself together and got on with the day. I had a visit from my sister inlaw all be it from a distance over the fence, she brought some bits we needed for the pets and boy was it great to see another human being if only for a few mins.

I ache all over so Joe Wicks can go stuff himself today !

Homeschool started with money and maths again we made quite a bit of progress with it (I hope) Diary written we had a full day on his castle project doing a range of things from watching documentaries on castle building and Dover castle, a bit of writing about defences, built a Lego castle and finally he built a castle on Minecraft, I had my first go ever but a 2 second wander around a virtual word made me feel seasick no wonder our teenagers walk around like zombies!

Desperate to do something constructive I tried to do a bit of research on how to write a blog but I’m still none the wiser so this is the format you are getting until I work a few bits out, bits like what the hell is a widget?? I keep getting asked if I want to download widgets??? I might but I just don’t know, I once had a guinea pig called widget he was blind so we got him a guide rabbit that he followed everywhere but he also used to get his willy stuck out where he kept trying to roger the rabbit and got fluff stuck over the end of his dinky (oh the shame of taking him to the vet and then the horror of watching her rubbing his hideously out of proportion winky with KY jelly, I swear to god that guinea pig was smiling) The only other widget I know of was in beer cans in the 90’s, I think John Smith were the brains behind the device which I think kept the gas in or something like that (I was a wino) but I doubt that’s what WordPress are offering!

We had toast for breakfast, I made smoked mackerel melts for lunch and the Roast lamb was fantastic thanks to Millies help, I can’t be bothered to prepare anything for tomorrow so I will have to see what I fancy rustling up then.

Weather is bright but bloody cold I still can’t be arsed to go out and apart from missing my family I’m loving social distancing, I’m sure the novelty will wear off and I’d really like to go Mudlarking again, even though it doesn’t involve talking to or being near anyone it still isn’t allowed. I mostly agree with the rules but some make no sense at all such as not being allowed to drive somewhere to then walk where you might not see another living soul but you can walk around a housing estate if you live there. Reducing opening hours in shops…what a load of bollocks you just end up with the same amount of people all trying to go at the same time and the same with public transport, at the start of this people who need to go to work we’re packed in like sardines at a time they need more space and still no testing for the vast majority while every other country is throwing what they can at this! Looks like China have been lying about their death toll (no surprise there) there reported 3,500 deaths don’t quit tally up with the 42,000 urns ordered by their funeral services who are having to operate 24 hours a day to clear the bodies, but one thing we know for certain is we will never know the whole truth about this virus! With so many conspiracy theories flying around I’m keeping an open mind and frankly does it matter?? All I want for now is to keep my family safe and sane throughout this and hope others do the same.

Two hours sitting on the floor playing with Lego has broken my bloody neck and shoulders, I hurt so much I’m walking around like C-3PO I’ve got deep heat in my eye and a hot water bottle strapped to my back so I’m really not a happy hamster, time for the Uber painkillers and a trip off the planet so will say goodnight and hope tomorrow is a better day!

So we start the 2nd week of lockdown and it’s another sunny but nippy day. I woke up with Fabian sitting looking at me which made me jump out of my skin “what are you doing” I asked, “I am waiting for you to wake up, i want to get up but didn’t want to wake you” oh bless him it’s pretty unusual as he usual wrenches my eyelids open if I don’t wake up straight away. I dragged (not physically) Millie out of bed so we were all dressed and ready for Joe’s workout, to say she was reluctant would be a huge understatement so I pulled rank and told her she had to. Lined up in our tiny front room we got stuck in and it was all going very well until Lola ran behind me, Millie made a grab for her so I didn’t stand on her but she bent down just as I did my superman jump punching her square in the face. Our routine went from bad to worse when Fabian came back from getting a drink decided to jump over me and landed both feet on my thumb I carried on regardless but on inspection later I had a whopper blood blister below the nail. I wish I had recorded us, we were more like Three Stooges!

Home schooling went much better today, we tackled Apostrophes, past and present tense, adding money, spellings were great, he wrote his diary by himself and did a few maths sheets that looked like they were written Aramaic to me but he seemed to know what he was doing! It all fell apart after lunch so we called it a day and I painted the front room, now if there is ever a job I had started and really wish I hadn’t this was it! I did not take into consideration that I can’t use a roller or brush for more than 5-10 mins before the pain from my carpal tunnel starts and I’m now slathered in volterol gel. Thankfully Gary came to the rescue and finished the walls for me but don’t think he’s a hero, he has taken three separate weeks off with the promise of decorating and the closest he got was to buy paint and a roller kit! So now I’m stuck sleeping in a room with paint fumes but at least it looks clean and crisp again.

I am feeling a lot more upbeat today, partly buoyed up by the countless memes on Facebook, please keep them coming I can’t be the only person laughing out loud at some of the brilliant things people put together and we all really need a laugh right now. As well a being a teacher, cook, cleaner and decorator today I’ve had to listen to questions such as “I’ve twisted my bits, how do I untwist them?” “Why does the dog lick her fanny” and my personal favourite “was I a ninja before I became a witch” other slightly weirder things like “Ive got a hammer, Michael Jackson lent it to me when I went to his house” he prattled on about that for a while before moving onto how he was going to be a spy and they don’t have to do maths…….my head is mush!

Just toast for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch then As it was getting late by the time I’d cleared up from decorating I decided to put the roast dinner on hold until tomorrow and did homemade chicken burgers instead much to my children’s delight.

I briefly watched the news, someone’s only gone and pinched a Van Gough, I didn’t think it would be long before the scum started to surface. The new Nightingale hospital at the Excel centre is an incredible feet, the thought of 4000 people being in those beds and many never leaving is horrendous. The social distancing and strict lockdown has slowed the progression of the virus but it’s still expected about 1000 people per day will be infected at this rate. I still refuse to give Bodger and ounce of credit for handling this, the focus should have been on saving lives not our economy and the lack of preparation is beyond belief, we could have been building ventilators months ago and securing stocks of ppe and test kits for hospital staff at the very least anyway enough of a rant over that The Lost Boys has just started and it’s still one of my favourite films…..will ever I grow up? Millie’s gone to bed but I’m still not tired so found a series called Freud which seems very appropriate me but halfway in I’m finding it a bit frightening so heading for bed!

Wow 04:15 and I’m still awake, I’m going to regret this tomorrow/today you know what I mean, I might as well stick the coffee pot on now.

Clocks went forward last night but sadly only for an hour we could do with them going forward about a year. With half the clocks in a the house updating themselves and the other half being wrong for the next six months I now won’t know what time it is as well not having a clue what day of the week it is! I managed a measly 6 hours sleep but I guess that’s what I deserve for my slothful ways yesterday. The weather is poop the sun has made a half arsed attempt at shining but there are icy cold gales thwarting my gardening plans (I’m a fair weather gardener, well actually I’ve not found a weather suitable for gardening since I had children and two jobs)

Started the day as every Sunday should be with a big grill up (that never sounds as exciting as a fry up but I simply don’t fry any of it in an attempt to keep half an artery open) I’m going to need intravenous filter coffee to tackle today’s lethargy. I briefly turned the news on but swiftly turned it to Horrid Henry (in the unlikely event someone is reading this in the future Horrid Henry is an animated children’s program about a precocious little shit that inspires your children to be obnoxious arseholes) whilst I’m making sure my children know this is as serious a situation as you can get I don’t want Fabian terrified to the extent I used to be over nuclear war, as a child I used to dream in black and white always the same sort of dream about trying to find somewhere to hide with my family but someone always got left behind and I would be searching for them or trying to drag them to safety when the bomb was dropped (I swear a psychologist would have a field day with that)

A bit of a quiet day for all of us, Millie rarely came out her room apart from some amazing comedy timing when I asked her to get the washing in as it was looking “a little overcast” after about 30seconds of her going outside the biggest hail stones I’ve seen in ages pelted her which made for great viewing but bless she stuck it out and retrieved all the clothes, we have been through pretty much every weather possible today l, I am starting to wonder if 2020 could be the apocalypse??

Fabian mostly watched the tv and I pottered around doing odd jobs but not really achieving anything great, I’ve had a few dips in my mood today but will pull myself together or this will be a downward spiral I can’t indulge right now. highlight of the day was Fabian FaceTimeing his girlfriend Scarlet, this is a bit of a long term thing now, they have been going out for over 2 years give or take a few break ups, they are so sweet she bosses him around and he does as she tells him….just the way it should be.

The menu today was Sausage sandwiches for brunch and the evening was Spanish chicken, patas bravas and a frittata followed by pineapple upside down cake with custard for those that eat pineapple and a slice of my mum’s awesome Victoria sponge for those that don’t. Giz is dropping mum and dad shopping on the doorstep so they don’t have to go out and she is leaving gifts of cake and new curtains for us! Roast lamb and veggies ready to cook tomorrow.

We had a rare and really nice family evening watching Sister Act together without phones (I’m a little shocked we didn’t need surgery to remove our phones and pleased to report our necks still hold our heads up from our chests long enough to watch a feature film!! Millie and I stayed up and watched Sister Act 2 I bloody love those films and really need a bit more “feel good” viewing in my life right now.

Midnight bedtime how rock and roll…..get me!

Once again up before the sun, it’s amazing what taking the stress out of everyday life has done to me, after years of being convinced I have the longest terminal illness ever (well the 2nd longest to just being alive) every day I wake up reluctantly, feeling frankly a little bit shit, I open my eyes and wait to see what hurts most will it be my whole body aching or just a couple of joints, my head my throat my stomach????? But in just a few days of having nothing to panic about (if you don’t include a worldwide pandemic) I feel great even the effects of Joe Wicks’s workout has worn off if I continue to walk like a cowboy 🤠 As well as the sun shining, today we have icy howling winds to boot luckily my son is weatherproof so I can kick him out when he starts to climb the walls.

As promised there won’t be any attempts at homeschooling over the weekends but on the understanding he has to knuckle down on Monday morning or I’m stepping it up to a seven day week. I love my son with every breath in my body but my god he’s hard work it’s a good he’s cute but bye heck does he know he has the charm of the devil but I will remain strong (yeah right) I did manage a bit of revenge by telling him I’d made naan bread using real a real nanny, when he asked if it was his nanny I said “yes well she was getting on a bit so made her into bread” now I didn’t think for one minute he would believe me and I should have felt bad when he started to cry but it was just too funny at which point he got really angry and said I killed his nanny I would be next!!

Now I’m the only person in the civilised western world that doesn’t own a dish washer, I hate the smell and can’t understand why I want to use a huge amount of water and electricity on an hour long program for a job that only takes 10 mins manually the thing is I don’t do washing-up either, putting my hands in manky dish water makes my skin crawl but up until recently this hasn’t been a problem as I do all the cooking Gary and my ex husband before him have done all the washing up, it’s one of the few household chores I dig my heels in about but now Giz is working all the hours under the sun and I’m effectively unemployed I can’t make him, I have tried putting Millie to work on it but end up doing it again or risk getting the shits from our crockery. So I suspect after this hell is over I might give in a get with the times, we got a landline phone 2years ago so who knows I might even get a toaster by 2022 (we did have swanky 4 slice dualit toaster but my cat Casper pissed in it….I will never know why he did that)

My goal for the day was to repaint the front room but I simply couldn’t be arsed so settled for a spot of oil painting a far more gentile past time that is a huge source of amusement for my family (apart from Millie who has begged me to stop) I predicted we would be on lockdown after mother’s day so did a dash to Hobbycraft to stock up….stockpile….panic buy art supplies mainly canvases but turns out I’m not the only wood be artist there was only a handful left on the shelves in fact Hobbycraft looked like it had been burgled. I got what I could and Gary met me a the checkout he looked suspiciously like he was going to pay right up until the woman said “that’s £79.00 please” he went pale and said to her “£79.00 fuck that, she’s bloody awful” he did continue the rant but I was too busy paying to listen to his words of encouragement. Anyway I’m a long way from finished today’s painting but when it’s done if I feel like humiliating myself I might share a picture of it.

Dinners are sorted for the next couple of days, I’d already made the veggie curry but also made sag paneer dished up with naan bread (no nans were hurt in the making of said bread) I made a huge vat of pasta sauce blending in a multitude of secret veg so Fabian can’t apply his lumpy food filter (he loves veg but the min you put any type of sauce on it he considers it lumps) I also made Spanish chicken and pastas bravas and just because I had a sad looking pineapple in the fruit bowl I made a pineapple upside down cake, I’m pretty sure that the first one since home economics where I shared a kitchen station with James Tanner who’s now a celebrity chef #shamelessnamedrop he wasn’t much good back then and we spent more time laughing at Miss Kerrs cankles (calves that are also ankles) we conjured up some properly crap food from those lessons, we had a slightly awkward reunion at pub in the park last year where he’s said “I know you don’t I” well yes he did nearly 30 years ago but while I now look like one of the creatures in cocoon that have had their life force drained he had aged about 8 years, ffs some people get all the luck, fame, fortune and skin like a newborn babies bum grrrr

News flash….Giz brought me home flowers, you will note the careful wording of that sentence, I was a bit emotional when he came in carrying a big bunch of protea I thought it was such a nice thoughtful thing to do in these horrible times but no he’s too daft to keep quiet and said “it’s alright I didn’t buy them the woman in Waitrose asked if I wanted them, I told her no but she gave them to me anyway” RIP Romance, died of Coronavirus March 2020

Exhausted from doing possibly a new record low in steps taken in a day I am heading for bed I better make tomorrow a bit more productive