Wanky Wednesday

For as far back as I can remember Wednesday’s have always been more than a little trying and earned themselves the title “wanky Wednesday” I woke art 3am to discover this one was going to be one of “those” days. I could hardly move my back was excruciating but rather than wee myself I forced myself up and made it to the loo trying to battle through the searing pain around my back and right hand side, pretty sure it was kidney related I guzzled water and a glass of Andrews and tried to go back to sleep………not a chance I couldn’t get comfortable and by 04:50 Fabian was awake and skooting around the house like a lunatic.

I soldiered into work thankful I only had four orders, Denis the landlord was still avoiding me he kept lurking in corners of his garage like a spectre, I conditioned my flowers and made the bouquets in record time keen to exit before I felt compelled to say something to him which would do neither of us any good and it’s hard to look angry when you are walking like C-3PO, I’m convinced my back pain is trapped wind but so far no amount of burping is shifting it. My deliveries were far flung, the first two I managed in half an hour and then I had an arse of one to a stately home in the outback of Headcorn, I trundled up the drive for what felt like an eternity and was greeted at the other end by an angry looking collie dog, I am a animal nutter but collies and German Shepard’s give me the willies probably because I’ve been savaged by both breeds on several occasions, my grandads collie used to dive under you car when you pulled up and wait for you to stick a leg out of the door then bite the back of your ankle, I’ve got scars in my right knee from Dougie the yard dog aka silent but violent, he would operate in total stealth mode until his teeth were sunk up to his gums in your flesh I used to pray I wasn’t the first at the stables so someone would have put him away……he could smell my fear and loved it! Anyway back to today I honked my horn until I eventually got the owners attention and it looked like my suspicions were right as they grabbed it by the collar and shut it in a pen. Flowers delivered I had to go from Headcorn to Rusthall 50 mins through beautiful Kent countryside which I was loving right up until I got to Goudhurst village where the traffic was shocking, it’s going to be hard to describe this but there is a horrible S bend next to the church which is notoriously bad for accidents I made it past that and breathed a sigh of relief as I headed down the hill, that sigh was premature as a lorry came up the hill like a twat, he swing wide to start the bend and doing so hit the side of my van, it sounded like a bomb had gone off but he just kept going, my van was trapped in traffic so I leapt out and ran up the hill waving my arms yelling like a fish wife “stop him, he’s hit my van” I was grateful I’d put a decent bra on but I can only imagine how I looked trying to run with my flubber jiggling gripping my back every few steps but I wasn’t stopping until I had his number, I finally caught him half a mile up the road aided by the oncoming traffic that saw my dramatic dance of desperation and blocked him, by then I couldn’t breathe to yell at him but at least the pain in my lungs made me forget about my back! The lady behind him was amazing she had already written down her details and his number she had seen him almost hit several vehicles I was the unlucky one he finally clobbered. I marched him back to my van to show him the damage and with his very limited English got his details spoke with his boss and sorted the insurance what a total arse!!

Delivering in Rusthall was a blast from the past my first proper boyfriend lived in that road and I drove past his house for old times sake. I had the funniest conversation with the friend who sent the flowers, I explained I knew where her delivery was as I used to go out with a lad (well a couple of lads) in Grange road in my early teens and she asked who as she grew up around there…..well turns out we dated the same ones so not only did we share a best friend we shared boyfriends to and both our parents were equally unimpressed by our choices as he was only allowed home at weekends because he went to a residential school for children with behavioural problems, It’s such a small world it’s scary.

By the time I got home I didn’t want to walk another step, I was still convinced it was wind so chewed my way through several Deflatine tablets hoping to god it would deflate me (in a ladylike fashion) I took to the sofa and had the children wait on me for a change.

Out of guilt for the previous days fat fest I had bran flakes for breakfast, skipped lunch and Millie has cooked a fantastic roast chicken dinner, ok she used every pot, pan tray and scrap of cutlery we own then hot footed it to bed to avoid tidying up but I was very grateful for a decent meal.

9pm and I’m all in so calling it a day, a very crappy day!