It might be a bank holiday but this Monday started as wanky as every other Monday, I had a crappy nights sleep mainly because a hurricane was raging outside and I was too lazy to get up and shut the window until 3am when the icy cold gale got the better of me. As a result of a very restless night I slept in and was rudely awoken by the dustmen (I reckon there’s a song lyric there ) so 9am saw me running up the road in my pjs, bare foot dragging the dustbin behind me shouting at the bin men to come back coz my partner is an incompetent fuckwit and failed to do one of only about five jobs he knows, they ignored my pleas and drove off leaving me to drag my dustbin that smelt like a dead dog back home………….don’t ever ask me to clap for dustmen.
To say it was cold would be a massive understatement and having got hypothermia from my Zola Budd style sprint up the road I thought I would warm up by chasing the chuffing washing that I asked Millie to get in yesterday around the garden, sending me on an Easter egg style hunt but for socks and knickers hiding in hedges and under bushes……but not a single chocolate egg for my efforts.
After an energetic start to the day I mostly did nothing! I washed but only to dress in clean pjs and curl back up on the sofa with a duvet and three chihuahuas for warmth, watching classics such as Howard the Duck and Princess Bride. Someone in the tv scheduling dept has a sense of humour, Groundhog Day, Contagion, Outbreak, 2012 (the sequel will be named 2020), Knowing and loads of other relevant films! Millie and I chose Contagion, I had forgotten the details of the story so was a bit shocked at how similar it is to the COVID-19 pandemic, it’s a great way of showing someone that doesn’t get how easy it is to spread a virus but not great for someone who’s already having a grumpy day. To cheer myself up I stuck a bit of The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross on, he’s so calming it nauseating and definitely not someone to be watching when Gary got home, the piss taking was so intense he wore himself out laughing and went to bed for 3 hours!
Fabian was a good boy considering he couldn’t play outside for longer than half an hour, he wrapped up warm but still felt like a dead frog when he came in. He played on the Xbox, iPad, tipped Lego everywhere and read for a while then wowed us with his a tale beginning “you never guess what happened at school” nope I said I probably won’t be able to guess (and I was right) “H#%^^* said his Grandad has drugs in his house and he’s going to take them when he’s older”, my backside twitched at this but then Fabian made us laugh when he said “I told him he was blowing my mind and I’m out of here”, its mad to think 6 year olds might be talking about drugs at school and I really hope it’s a misunderstanding and the little boys grandad has prescription drugs!
I made more scotch pancakes for breakfast, lunch was one of Millies legendary cheese melt sandwiches, it’s a well buttered cheese sandwich with a good grating of nutmeg, you can have mild mustard in it but I’d rather shove wasps up my bum than eat mustard the whole thing is then fried in yet more butter until crispy, its beyond amazing in the mouth but a disaster in the arteries! Dinner was a haunch of venison with roast potatoes, roasted beetroot, parsnips, swede carrots and cabbage. I also made hunters chicken, and a venison and red wine casserole. Dad shot and butchered the deer but I try not to think to much about that, for the squeamish amongst you, I have less of a problem eating something that has lived a natural life in the wild and is killed instantly as apposed to intensively farmed animals that live crap lives and then face the horrors of a slaughterhouse. I managed 8 years as a veggie only to get married to a farmer that had meat with every meal, what can I say I am weak, the smell of bacon cooking was too much!
There’s a load of old crap on the tv tonight so I’m having an Alf Garnet style rant (that’s showing my age) about the cost of the bloody tv license and the Sky bill yet still nothing to watch. The 11year old boy who installed it for us can’t have set the Sky store up properly, if I try to purchase a film it says my account doesn’t have that facility set up, I’ve never been bothered until now we need more options for the past week I have been trying to call and get it sorted but to my disbelief the customer message was they are prioritising for Emergency Service workers, People with serious medical conditions, and something else that didn’t apply to me, “so if none of these apply to you please hang up and try online if you choose not to there is a two hour wait” two hours wtf, 3 times I’ve tried and it’s always the same, I have no problem with shops etc etc but it’s Sky surely the emergency service staff are too busy working to be on the phone for two hours. You can’t set up the sky store online and I can’t get through so no Trolls movie for us!
I must get to sleep it’s back to homeschooling tomorrow so I will need all the energy I can get!
Life but not as we know it 