Back to fully Dysfunctional

I actually woke up at a sensible time 07:30 feeling refreshed, the sun is shining again, it’s Thursday 9th April and I know this because it should have been one of the busiest days of the year for me, I had 5 weddings booked this week but obviously due to social distancing rules they can’t go ahead, these happy couples had poured their heart and souls into planning today they must feel really sad, one of the couples that should have been getting married today posted pics of them dressed up for their wedding having a bbq and trying to make the best of things 😢

Talking of happy couples Giz got up fashionably late appeared happy on the surface until I accidentally scratched that surface by mentioning he needed to get off his phone and finish painting the ceiling he started four days ago, the response I got was “nah can’t do that I googled it and need a mohair roller” wtf where the hell am I supposed to get a mohair roller from when I can’t even by a loaf bread some days! Then things went from bad to worse when I failed to pat him on the back when he was showing me last nights mowing triumphs, I simply commented on the fact he had mown to the ground every single plant growing by the shed, well talk about light the blue touch paper and stand well back he started shouting “there was no f ing plants there” literally going purple with anger I cranked my voice up a couple of octaves to show my annoyance at his response and pointed at the bare twigs where once several well established shrubs had stood and the pile of mushed leaves that were soon to be a huge clump of orange day Lily’s, his response to that was “there was no f’ing orange flowers there you crazy bitch”…….err no fuckwit that’s because they don’t flower until June BUT NOT THIS YEAR WILL THEY grrrr.

I forget to mention Jo Wicks hasn’t been gracing our mornings for a few days but the legend that is Mr Motivator is back on the TV and we love him, it’s a bit shorter but with his swanky spandex unitards and infectious enthusiasm you have a good time and Fabian is enjoying it without moaning which works for me. Homeschooling was only a couple of hours and went really well, he did a bit of the castle project, spellings were shocking so we practiced the words and tried again. I’ve upped the anti with the reading starting on the Twits, an all time favourite of mine, I used to read it to my brother when he was Fabians age. We took it in turn to read chapters as it’s quite hard going for Fabe and I wanted to work on his story telling not just saying the words. He’s being a sod about writing his diary I can see me writing this for him in the end!

I made my first trip to our local garage in Marden, it’s sooooo much more than a garage, if you can’t get something in there you probably don’t need it! Every shop you go in has a different set of health and safety procedures this one had one assistant in the door directing customers, I had to go left for shopping where I selected a paint roller (not mohair) to stick up Gary’s arse when I get home, a drink and a very much welcomed raspberry magnum ice cream (food never tasted so good and I’m getting used to the hint of alcohol hand sanitizer on everything I eat) having selected my items I had to wait for directions to the counter so customers remained the two metres apart at all times and paths didn’t cross, the counter is now covered by a screen and you hold the items up and they scan the barcode through the Perspex…… simple genius!

Back into work with five orders to make and deliver mostly for Easter gifts for friends and family that won’t get to see each other of the bank holiday weekend, I did about a million mile round trip delivering the flowers to Kingswood, Maidstone, Bearsted, Wouldham and Kingshill not exactly local to each other and Wouldham isn’t a usual spot but it’s nice to make people happy in these otherwise crappy times. One thing I’ve noticed is people are all being a lot bloody nicer, they are grateful you will take and order, recipients are happy to see you, people you see in the streets smile and wave the only miserable person I’ve met was woman dressed as Doctor Doom in the farm shop (she might have had her reasons) I hope this new found community spirit lasts after the virus had gone!

Came back to the silent treatment from Gary so told him to stop sulking and grown up, a game of football in the field was the best ice breaker as we were soon laughing at each other’s misfortunes, I say football but it was really just a ball being kicked between invisible goal posts that only Fabian could see and they seemed to continually move to his advantage, I had to call time after kicking the ball so hard it knocked Fabian over causing me to laugh so much I nearly pissed my knickers! I also squeezed an hours gardening in, carried out a bit of deforestation….well I cut down the self seeded hawthorn bush that had reached about 14ft so more multiple lacerations…..why is everything in my garden so fecking thorny??

Food offerings were my usual toast, no lunch for me, the kids had left over shepherds pie and definitely a change of plan from the homemade chicken Kiev’s to our gourmet fish finger sandwiches (fish fingers, iceberg lettuce, tartare sauce, cheese slice in soft white bread) so all in all another unhealthy day with countless carbs I better do a salad tomorrow!

We watched the Men in Black and then once I got custody of the remote back to back food programs like Master Chef, Great British Menu and what is turning out to be the best thing on tv at the moment Gordon, Gino and Fred’s Road Trip, Giz and I don’t stop laughing at the three of them, if ever there’s a holiday I’d like to go on it’s that one!

Once everyone had gone to bed I set about thrashing all my online Scrabble opponents (yes I am bragging my top word tonight scored 104 points) this has taken until gone midnight so nighty night.