Make Do And Mend

After another shocking nights sleep (this is becoming a bad habit) I had a late start even Fabian slept in until 9am but the sunshine got the better of us so after breakfast and lots of coffee we headed for the garden.

Because my garden gate got beaten to a pile of sticks and a pair of hinges in high winds ages ago I have been meaning to buy or get someone in to put a new one up but with more time on my hands but less money than I ever thought possible and I thought Fabe would love using the tools on a project but he got bored after he realised he couldn’t just smack everything with a hammer and the noise from the power saw drove him back indoors so with him gone I set about making a new gate out of my pile of “that might come in handy” wood, ok I had to seek instruction on some of it but many hours later I had a very strong and half decent looking gate, a quick coat of wood treatment to hide the fact it’s a mishmash of gravel boards, decking and Millies old Ikea bed frame which originally came from the set of Finders Keepers from the days I had a toe in the TV industry. I still need a new post to one side of it but that will have to wait until I work out if I can get diy stuff delivered but I am really proud of that job!!!! While all the power tools were out and bits of timber everywhere Fabian and I started the bug hotel we had planned but he got really annoyed I wouldn’t build it to his design, I mean why wouldn’t I want to put about 50 compartments in? Yet again he just wanted to cut bits of wood up without measuring or twat stuff with the hammer so again I found myself alone on a project. With the framework finished I will let him fill the compartments tomorrow.

Should have put more sun cream on!! I did apply some early in the day but there’s areas you can’t reach yourself and unattractive as it sounds I did sweat a fair bit resulting in my crackling getting crisped in the sun, not on did my neighbours have to endure me making a racket for seven hours they could probably smell me turning into pork scratchings as well.

Millie washed up and made some sausage rolls for lunch and stuck her head in the garden a couple of times but the sight of hard work sent her scuttling back to her Xbox, at least she helped with dinner which was jacket spuds due to my lack of enthusiasm.

I sat down in time to watch Her Maj address the nation about the COVID-19 situation, I felt a bit emotional, she was quite an inspiration. I flit between thinking what does she know living in her ivory tower and thinking I bet there won’t be a lack of ppe for anyone treating the elite if they get it, to feeling proud we have her and she has seen our country go through so much in her lifetime. She has to adhere to the social distancing the same as us and must be as frightened of losing loved ones as we are. The saddest victim of this shitty virus for me so far is Lord Bath, I would have loved to have met him, I adored his eccentricity, his bonkers art which really reflected his personality as did his kaleidoscope (Christ did I have to google how to spell that, spell check was like WTF give up you crazy mare) of a wardrobe. Longleat has been my favourite place to visit since my grandparents took my brother and I when I was about nine, from the monkeys stripping bits off the car (might have been the biscuits I was waving at them through the window that got the car covered in monkeys and monkey crap) to getting lost in the maze and very weirdly seeing one of the shirts King Charles I was wearing at the time of his execution, I was captivated by the history of it, the faint bloodstains around the neck were morbidly fascinating just proving what a macabre child I was! I hope he has the most ostentatious mausoleum ever built, in the grounds he loved for us all to see.

First ever home shop delivered bang on time, what a bitter sweet experience that was, the driver was an absolute delight I could have cried it was so nice to see such a happy person I might even stop calling all the drivers “wan*€$s” as they drive like twunts around the lanes and park without a thought for anyone else in the world (probably won’t stop that but I will make sure it wasn’t this man first) I explained I was a virgin to the home shopping thing, he asked how the hell I managed to book a slot as he’d been trying for weeks but there’s just none available, I said it was just pure luck I’d tried all hours of the day for all supermarkets for two weeks and suddenly found a couple slots so went for it but…….I’m not sure I would again! So after Mr happy and very helpful had left I got to unpacking my order, first problem knowing someone else has packed it made me treat it like toxic waste, I disinfected everything I could and washed my hands A LOT, then got around to realising what “a few substitutions” actually meant to a person that has no bend or flex on certain things (most things) I admit I’m a snob in-fact I’m proud of being a snob, my dad used to try and use it as an insult but I have always been comfortable with having certain standards and frankly some of Tesco own brands don’t fit in to those standards, price matched or not. Now I admit I can’t afford those standards I’m what you call a fur coat and no knickers kind of posh, given a choice of something crap or go without I would indeed go without. I ordered a Green and Blacks Easter Egg for my equally snobby best friend I ended up with a small Cadbury’s bournville egg hardly the chocolate for a connoisseur leaving me a hard decision, eat the evidence or give crap egg. Tesco own brown bread instead of Hovis I’m ok with trying that, 2 carex anti bac hand soaps substituted by 1 Bayliss and Harding grapefruit soap wtf I have Molton Brown hand soap if I want nice smells and one was for my mum hardly the same! No fish fingers, wont be needing the brioche buns, sliced cheese, lettuce and tartare sauce without those to make our own Fillet O’fish will I. Tesco own coffee err I don’t think so, I can see a lot of coffee cake and tiramisu being made to use that up. There were loads of other things but you get the idea!

Brilliant evening TV watching, Giz came home feeling ill (crones playing up again) so went straight to bed the children were busy doing their own things so I got sole custody of the remote, I started with a documentary on the Valley of the Kings followed by back to back documentaries about Angkor and Cambodia then one about a the forbidden city which ended up taking the bizarre route of me googling Eunuchs because I didn’t know much about them or their purpose (I knew what they didn’t do) anyway that led me down dark paths of research about the Skoptzy, penectomy and the Chinese using it as torture and collecting the penises of their dead enemies, I now know far more than I should these things so if Gary feels the urge to dip his nib in the office ink I am confident I can perform the procedure, because I got the info from the teachings of ancient Chinese surgeons that only had a 50% survival rate from eunuchs they created for servants I can’t promise he would live but hey ho he has been warned!